This time last year, I was getting ready to go on winter break from work. A few months before, I was trying to figure out where I was going to go with a little more than a week off. Then, December 11th happened. We call it D-day. It was the day we were notified our Orange County office would be closing. Errbody was gonna have to go. But the opportunity to keep doing what I was doing in Dallas was there. So I convinced my mom to come with me to see if I could live in Texas. I decided I could.
So 2015 started off with a decision to make: was I going to stay in my beloved state, sunny Southern California, or was I going to take a chance and move to Dallas? As you may know, I chose the latter. Shit.
I wasn’t trying to make 2015 a breakout year. But it just sort of started that way. Not only did I decide I was taking my talents to another state, my divorce was finalized the 2nd day of the year. Well damn. So I was tying up loose ends at home, and setting my sights on something new.
I like to set intentions for the year ahead. I didn’t have the heart to do that this go around. I didn’t know what the hell I was stepping into, so I just decided to wing it.
I decided to move out of the state by myself.
I decided to get a dog.
I decided to apply for supervisor.
I decided to drop out of college, again.
I decided to invest in myself and my dreams of becoming an entrepreneur.
I decided to date.
I broke up with 2 best friends. Made up with both, then the other fell off the face of the earth.
I lost my grandma.
I went to Washington, D.C., Oakland, and Baltimore.
I laughed super hard. I cried super hard.
And I asked myself a lot of questions.
You have time to really ponder about life when you’re walking a dog at 6 in the morning. I can’t tell you how many times I asked myself what I was doing and what I wanted.
When I say “I let myself go”, I don’t mean physically. I literally put my YOLO hat on, and just went into 2015 with no big expectations. I was throwing darts in the dark and seeing if it would stick. For those who know me, I am not a spontaneous person at all. I didn’t have a roadmap, and it was scary as hell. I was scared to dream because I didn’t know what was coming next.
Now that 2015 is coming to a close and we get into reflective mode, I’m proud of myself, because this year was pretty good in retrospect, especially for not having a plan.
But I’m not doing that shit anymore. I almost lost my mind.
The nice thing is, I have a really good feeling about 2016. I’m thinking about the things that matter to me. What can I do without and what can’t I live without? When does my heart feel full vs. when do I feel cold down to my bones? Am I engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, or am I pushing my boundary lines just enough to be uncomfortable but grow?
I don’t have 2016 completely mapped out yet, but I’ve got some ideas. Funny enough, being myself is at the very top of the list.